Stupid Stuff People Believe
June 14, 2009 1 Comment
Leave it to Steve Sailer to ask a very reasonable question: Is Osama even alive?
I get quizzical looks whenever I reveal my belief on the subject (that the most reasonable inference is that he’s been dead for a while). For some reason people tend to think we are to assume that he’s alive until proven otherwise. According to this policy, Jimmy Hoffa is still alive. According to this policy, we’ll probably have to still all walk around believing Osama bin Laden is alive 1000 years from now.
But that’s silly. And it’s silly to “assume” that all faraway, incommunicado, strange people are still alive until proven otherwise. Because after all, people can die without leaving worldwide media-promulgated “proof” of their death. It is physically possible. It’s not as if there’s a giant switchboard in some central underground locationi showing the names of all living humans and whenever a human dies, the name magically flickers out. There’s no Central Clearinghouse Of Alive People to check periodically as regards to whether Osama bin Laden has died yet.
He could’ve just died without being polite enough to tell us. This has never occurred to you, has it?
So why does everyone assume he’s still alive and that it’s crazy to think he’s dead (as I do)?
I know, I know, from time to time Osama “releases a tape”. This supposedly proves he’s alive. Just like when Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. release recordings.
Oh, but unlike those posthumous releases, Osama mentions current events, that’s how we know, you say. Of course, there’s no possibility that the voice on these “tapes” could be anyone other than Osama bin Laden. After all, whoever produces and sends these tapes to media outlets always SAYS that they are tapes of Osama bin Laden. They probably even write “voice of: Osama bin Laden” in big black letters with a magic marker on the padded envelope. And then, sure enough, the voice on the tape goes, like, “Hi. This is Osama bin Laden. Didya ever notice…” (or whatever he says on those things, I never pay attention). So that’s good enough for me and should be good enough for everyone. Alive.
What’s that? Oh right. “Voiceprint analysis technology”. Or something. The CIA, or maybe the NSA, or CTU, or someone, has super-secret 100% accurate algorithms that can analyze fuzzy recordings and detect a MATCH of someone’s voice print. That’s a known fact. I think I saw it in a Jodie Foster movie or something. It’s probably like a big machine that looks like a heart monitor and you feed it a tape and if it’s the guy then MATCH shows up in big letters on the screen, but if it’s not the guy then it says NO MATCH, and that’s really all there is to it.
So basically what it boils down to is: y’all believe Osama bin Laden is alive, because you assume there’s such a thing as “voiceprint analysis” technology that is 100% accurate, as accurate as DNA analysis (which itself is not 100%, but I digress). It literally has never occurred to you that there might not actually be such technology, or that whatever voiceprint technology exists, might not actually be as accurate as all that.
Am I right? C’mon, admit it, I’m right, aren’t I?