Filed under: Uncategorized
Last night I was visited by friendly aliens. One of them handed to me a super-advanced piece of technology, which he told me was a universal translator (he didn’t say this in English, but the universal translator translated it for me). They let me keep it, and I’ve been playing around with it.
I wasn’t sure how to use it at first (just pressing buttons) and I’ve realized that at first what I was doing was inadvertently translating stuff from English into Alien, and then back to English. I was feeding the thing a lot of political debate from TV and the web (for testing). And funny thing, every time I did this, here’s what came back:
“Other people should be forced to pay for me.”
And sometimes, if it was a two-sided debate, there would be a response, like
“No, other people should be forced to pay for me.”
And then it would repeat, like a broken record.
For political debates, this is what I got back every single time. I thought the thing must be broken. But then I thought about it and realized that actually, it’s working perfectly.
I’m that other person.
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I’m not generally a big fan of tabloid/gossip pages, but aren’t they supposed to be about famous, well-known people whom the reader might find interesting? Lately in shops and grocery stores, when glancing at the tabloids I keep seeing on their covers – repeatedly and over a period of several weeks now – headlines involving someone named (I think?) “Katie”, and her husband, and how they are separated, and who gets the kids, and who cheated on whom, and who is mad at whom, etc., etc., etc.
That’s all par for the course except for the fact that – and I mean this quite sincerely – I haven’t the faintest idea who these people are. They may as well be Joe and Jane Schmoe for all I can tell. But, knowing that she (or he?) must logically be some sort of celebrity – or they wouldn’t be in tabloids right? – for a while I assumed/guesstimated that “Katie” was maybe Katie Couric? But I’ve looked at the photos (after all, these people are in the tabloids every week) and it doesn’t look like her. I really, truly, honestly don’t know who they are let alone why we’re supposed to be interested in their marital troubles.
Yet every tabloid seems to be obsessed with them! It’s so strange and disorienting, like visiting a foreign country and being flooded with their pop stars you’ve never heard of. Did I wake up in a parallel universe a couple months back? A universe in which everyone knows who these people are?
Well I’m going to try a blogging experiment. I’m going to try to do some web-searching to figure out who they are, in the middle of writing this post. I’m come back here with the results and reaction shortly. Are you ready? Let’s go:
Well ok, that wasn’t hard (I just searched for “katie tabloids” and ignored the Couric-related links). They are apparently these people. Stars of some ‘reality’ TV show. How anticlimactic.
Those ‘reality’ TV shows sure seem to screw up the popular culture. Traditionally, celebrities are well-known for a variety of things or for TV/movies that are watched by a wide slice of the country. I doubt this applies to a reality TV show on TLC. I understand that to people who actually know what that show is and have watched it, headlines about ‘Jon’ and ‘Kate’ actually connote something. To the rest of us, though, it’s like being in a foreign, fragmented country.
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This one surprised me:
15. 3-D movies meaning red-and-green glasses.
You mean 3-D movies don’t mean red-and-green glasses? What am I missing?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: "the iraq war", lefties, phony arguments, war on terror
I was just lamenting the other day how The Iraq War “distracted” us from the Real war on terrorism (which the Left totally cared about fighting). Well, the Left got their wish and ended The Iraq War. (Right? I mean, you don’t hear them complaining/whining about it anymore. So I assume it’s over? Seeing as how, if it weren’t over, why wouldn’t they still be whining?)
So then, now that the horrible “distraction” of The Iraq War is over, I guess that means we can once again “focus” on the Real war on terror ™. Which the Left totally wants to do! After all, they complained so much that we (supposedly) weren’t. Well now we’re free to. The Left got their wish, and let’s not forget, controls the executive and legislative branches of government. I assume this means we’ve been pursuing the Real war on terror with free rein. Which – again – the Left kept saying was what they wanted.
I think I’ve figured out the problem with the Star Wars prequels: none of the main characters are American.
You’ve got Qui-Gon, played by Liam Neeson, an Irishman. Obi-Wan is Ewan McGregor (Scot). Natalie Portman is an American, but Israeli-American, born in Jerusalem, and first rose to fame in a French movie (Leon or “The Professional” by Luc Besson). And Anakin is played by a Canadian guy straight out of Degrassi Junior High who carries himself and speaks with a candence that has that weird creepy off-putting Canadian way all Canadians have.
Anyway, but look at the difference: In the original Star Wars, Luke Skywalker was an all-American whiny boy with a surfer look who wanted to hot-rod but had to stay home to work on the farm, straight out of American Graffiti or of course Corvette Summer. He could have been the high school kid down the street who seems so cool when you’re much younger than he is. Princess Leia was Eddie Fisher’s daughter from the Rat Pack; ok she faked that bizarre British accent in the first one, but by #2 she had dropped all that and was this can-do tough girl with sass (and by #3 she’s in a bikini). Chewie is basically a walking pet dog. All the bad guys are British and all the Brits are bad guys except for Obi-Wan, who is (essentially) Merlin. And then of course there’s Harrison Ford – as American as apple pie. And please let’s not forget his friend Lando!
There’s nothing wrong with the prequels in the effects department or even some of the stories. The problem is the characters. You literally don’t care about any of them, and some of them you wouldn’t mind seeing lasered to bits.
I think it’s because they’re not Americans like in the first trilogy.