Why Does Pop Culture Want Women To Be Unfaithful?
December 2, 2011 18 Comments
Highly-thought-of TV dramas The Walking Dead and Homeland both feature, as a major component of their storyline, this:
A guy, due to some strange circumstances, is thought to be dead.
His wife starts sleeping with his best friend.
Then he comes back.
At first, he doesn’t know, as she hides it from him.
I tried to think of a third example so that I can call this a TV trend, but I couldn’t. Clearly I don’t watch enough TV. However it does seem to be part of a larger pop culture trend I have noticed before – essentially, the sorts of people who write for these things want to see women characters be unfaithful, and so they contrive fiction scenarios (such as ‘well I thought he was dead’) so as to let them do so and still retain audience likability.
I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that, say, the entire zombie plot of Walking Dead was made-up so as to generate a plot circumstance allowing for this sort of oblivious guy thought to be dead/wife/best friend love triangle. It’s not like, ‘Ok what circumstance can we create so that we can see her cheat on him, but she’ll still be O.K. in the viewer’s/reader’s mind. Wait, I’ve got it. She thinks he’s dead, and needs someone elses to lean on, because she’s under duress. But why is she under duress? And how could she ‘think he is dead’, he either gets buried or not? I know, maybe the world is going to hell for some reason. But what reason? Hey I’ve got it: ZOMBIES. Zombies everywhere.
No, that was probably not the thought procoss. Consciously, anyway. Probably not. But it does make you wonder.
A Very Brady Sequel
Some Jane Seymour thing on Lifetime Channel about WWII
I think “Dallas” did it but I can’t recall if it was Bobby or J.R.
The Dead Zone
I don’t think there’s any conscious thought process at all. I think there’s got to be a love triangle, all the characters have to stay noble on some level, and once you have those two requirements the rest of the story you’re describing sort of writes itself, as there’s no alternative.
It’s a cheap way of creating “conflict,” which all Hollywood writers were taught in their junior high English classes is something all proper fiction needs. Sometimes it’s the only thing they remember. (I’d say something snarky about how it’s also a reflection of how people involved in the entertainment industry live — “well, of course she’s just going to start sleeping with her husband’s best friend once hubby is away too long — you can’t possibly think a woman should ever sleep alone!” — but that would be rude.)
Both fair points. Here’s the puzzle though: Why is it always the woman and not the man who does it?
I’m struggling to think of a plot ‘man thinks woman is dead, sleeps with someone else, woman comes back’. The frequency seems asymmetric. Or is my perception wrong?
I think this is because women, especially younger women — i.e. the disposers of the most disposable dollars — would view a man in that situation as a cad, whereas the woman in that situation gets the love and devotion of both men without ever having to choose between them.
In fact, one could go so far as to say “woman receives the complete devotion of two hunky men but never really has to choose between them” is the plot driver behind umpteen movies these days, and behind chick lit in general. It’s certainly the case in those awful Twilight movies any male in any kind of relationship in the past five years has had to endure….
I guess it boils down to: a women with two or more men on a string is somehow a heroine (and a victim, because they keep trying to force her to choose), whereas a man with multiple women on a string is a player and a jerk. And since women control the bucks, that’s what we see.
That’s a good observation. Of course, they’re not in the business of propping up a double-standard, they’re in the business of coercing people to watch ads for crap someone wants people to buy.
I got a feeling if you really went full-tilt analyzing this, you’d find “She’s appealing” and “She’s a victim” are the two vital ingredients that must somehow find their way into the story. The latter of those two, years ago, had already achieved trope-popularity and so we had a big crush of movies about the man having a mistress. And not as, as you note, any kind of sympathetic figure, just as a jackass.
It seems a new generation of feminist has achieved maturity, and this one has much less interest in the Hillary-as-Tammy-Wynette plot device. They want attention; they aren’t too interested in paying attention to other persons/things. They use their electronic devices this way. “Pay attention to me while I ignore you” seems to be the operative slogan.
Women are considered to be without honor by progressive, feminist Hollywood writers (yes that’s sarcasm). Seriously: the trope for men when his ladylove is dead or thought dead is to transform into a shining white knight, forever devoted to his saintly lost lady. Usually this is taken care of by a New Love, who will be totally respectful of her predecessor and not make any moves on his until He Is Ready To Move On.
The woman with the missing spouse, on the other hand, is usually treated as fair game, and the new guy usually doesn’t let his agonizing over her husband’s uncertain status (the new guy is always the missing guy’s best friend, I mean how is that, it makes guy friendships look totally manipulative and false — “he was just waiting for my wife’s pussy to be available all along”) stop him from getting into her pants.
I mean, it’s not just the woman who is being unfaithful — there’s the new boyfriend too. Unless he is a complete stranger that she’s lied to about her marital status, he’s just as complicit in this game.
Big Love. There, how’s that?
I got a feeling if you really went full-tilt analyzing this, you’d find “She’s appealing” and “She’s a victim” are the two vital ingredients that must somehow find their way into the story.
Change it up just a little bit — “appealing, but not too appealing” — and I think you’ve got 95% of pop culture today. Nobody would pay to see Angelina Jolie in that kind of role, because she really could (and really does, or did) have multiple guys on a string and seems/seemed totally comfortable with it.
Jennifer Anniston, on the other hand… she’s the perfect illustration of the trend. Cute but not beautiful, she’s perpetually being victimized by some dude (Brad Pitt, John Mayer or whoever that singer was). but always has a dude or three in reserve (usually some indie-rocker like that guy from Counting Crows, if I’m remembering a half-decade of People Magazine covers glimpsed in supermarket checkout lines correctly). “Why can’t Jen find a man that sticks?” has got to be one of the most productive glossy magazine cash cows of all time, for, I think, precisely this reason.
Ditto that Twilight girl. She’s pretty, but not blow you away drop-dead gorgeous… and they amplify this by dressing her for the most part in grunge-lite Seattle-wear. Either of the guys — the Sparkly One or the Shirtless One — could do waay better (if every woman I know is to be believed), but they don’t. Instead, they use their superpowers to cater to her every whim — definitely “Pay[ing] attention to me while I ignore you,” since they seem to have roped their entire superhero clans into doing nothing but keeping an eye on her.
[And yes, I realize that I seem to know a LOT about Twilight. But with relatives in the ed biz, I'm far more aware of pop culture than I had ever hoped to be].
Lots of interesting points. I tend to agree. Not much to add. Standards of behavior required from men are much higher (in films, maybe in life) than that of women so when a man enjoys his wife’s best-friend, few of us would feel we root for him and we’d even imagine he isn’t really torn up over his wife’s assumed demise. The principle we’d adopt is: ‘he wants sex’ whereas when the situation is reversed, we imagine she’s desperate, sad and ‘wants company’.
There could be a subconscious thing (which is what sonic seems to be suggesting) of wanting your best friend dead so you can get to fuck his wife without being really guilty – I mean he’s dead – and a man can identify with both of the men – and get to face his hopes (I hope my best friend dies, his wife is hot) as well as his fears (shit, if I die, my wife might go for my friend).
Interesting point also about Angelina Jolie.. but when it comes to Jennifer Anniston – oh God.. what exactly is ‘cute’ about her? She’s awful, horrible. She’s like that boring main protagonist of Sex & The City. I really think her agent should find her a role in which she gets very brutally murdered. Audiences would (surely?) stand up and applaud, ticket sales will soar. She’s just made for that part.
I really think [J. Aniston's] agent should find her a role in which she gets very brutally murdered. Audiences would stand up and applaud, ticket sales will soar.
Eh, heh heh. I like the way you think, Anon. But I believe Gwyneth Paltrow has had a lock on those ever since Se7en, which seems to be working out well for everybody involved.
Thought of some more:
Face-Off
Darkman
Rob Roy (doesn’t really count)
Looks like this was a particularly popular plot device in the 1990′s.
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Gotta blog this someday.
Oh no, wait, I just did.
Tom Hanks / Helen Hunt in Cast Away….
Helen Hunt makes J. Anniston look appealing. . . Thankfully Ms. Hunt is no longer with us.
I don’t know who you’re thinking about, but Helen Hunt is very much alive. I’m not even going to bother linking to the internet evidence.
(Unless of course you have just run her over with your car or something — in which case, please disregard this comment.)
Could have sworn she was dead. Anon. wins this round.
Made for a good movie, “My Favorite Wife,” although it’s the wife who’s thought dead.