Disturbing Realization That Could Be Instantly Cured If I Weren’t Too Lazy To Just Wiki It
December 5, 2011 26 Comments
I had a creepy thought that sent a chill up my spine at around 1:10 p.m. today: I really have no idea what “saffron” is. If there were a ticking-time-bomb scenario that relied upon me defining “saffron” to a foreign terrorist, ka-BOOM.
I know that sometimes in a rice dish there’s supposedly “saffron”. Like, “rice, with saffron“. What I would not be able to explain is why. Does “saffron” taste like something? What? Why would you add it to rice? What does it look like before you’ve added it? Does it come in a stick, a jar, powder? Can there be too much “saffron”? Not enough? At the risk of embarrassment let me lay it all on the table and state that these are all complete mysteries to me.
In other contexts, like if I were reading Johnny Tremain without a dictionary, I’m pretty sure I’d scan “saffron” as a sort of wax and move on. “Saffron candle” – that sounds like it could be a thing, right? But if I’m being honest with myself I don’t even know if that’s correct either. In any event you can see how this complicates the parsing of what it is for me. Because why would anyone add wax to rice? What sort of person from any walk of life would form the thought, “You know what this rice needs? Some melted wax, mixed in with it.” It’s unimaginable.
So any way you slice it I’ve spent my whole life just sort of glossing over the existence/usage of “saffron” in whatever rice-/wax-related context I’ve encountered it.
Of course, I could just Wiki it. Then I wouldn’t have had to write this blog post at all. You would say that. You’re all against me.
UPDATE: And then (as if the above weren’t confusing enough) there’s the chicks named Saffron. 1) The daughter from Absolutely Fabulous. 2) Someone named (I think?) ‘Saffron Burrows’. I don’t even know what to make of them frankly. Why would anyone, let alone two sets of parents, name their daughter after ‘something ephemeral/tasteless/ill-defined that people claim to add to rice’. But let’s not get me started about that, I should probably focus on learning about the ricey/waxey meanings first.
UPDATE 2: Like, part of me thinks this whole ‘saffron’ thing is just a scam, like buying ‘undercoating’ on a new car. Thought experiment, you’re at a restaurant and you order an item which is claimed by the menu to include rice ‘with saffron’. Then you get it. And it’s (of course) just some rice. Do you send it back for ‘not having enough saffron’? How on earth would you know? What does ‘saffron’ even look like? Admit it, you don’t know, do you? You just like the notion of your rice having ‘saffron’ something on/in (?) it. Such a scam. The whole thing stinks the more I think about it. It stinks like saffron well past its use-by date.