Cole vs. Cole
August 10, 2012 7 Comments
On the subject of Mitt Romney apparently killing someone with cancer (I don’t know the details but I’m pretty sure he killed someone with cancer, presumably with the same technology the Cigarette-Smoking Man used on Scully in the X-Files), I was reading a Juan Cole post that was actually making some sensible points. He’s a Professor, you see. A full-on Professor:
…all presidents get people killed. They fight wars, authorize covert actions, and pursue wrong-headed policies. It isn’t useful in my view to engage in a Utilitarian argument about which presidents kill more people and which less. These things are hard to quantify, anyway.
Indeed, such an argument is not useful at all, and hard to quantify anyway. Good, sane points Professor. Thank goodness we have the Academy.
But just when there was this consensus building between myself and Professor Juan Cole, however, along comes Professor Juan Cole to burst my (our) bubble:
If Romney repeals Obamacare, he will raise the infant mortality rate compared to what it would be under the Affordable Care Act, and so will be a child-killer. It is probably even possible to calculate exactly how many infants he intends to murder.
Well, there you have it – not only will Romney kill infants, but it’s ‘probably even possible to calculate exactly how many’, says the Professor. Exactly [sic] how many.
And then there’s global warming:
Romney intends to remove subsidies for wind and solar energy and to promote burning hydrocarbons. (Note that Big Oil and Gas have received hundreds of billions in tax credits over the years). Romney may as well just line people up and machine gun them down.
Yup, he may as well. It’s exactly the same thing, and just as easy to calculate, for people like the Professor, the direct and easily-calculable linkage between 1. wind and solar energy subsidies to 2. global warming is reduced to 3. fewer ‘heat waves, water shortages, declining fish populations, and extreme weather events such as floods and storms’. Take away wind/solar subsidies = kill people. So says the Professor. He figured it out. He calculated this stuff.
So take that, Juan Cole, you dumbass.
What a fine contribution to humanity Professor Juan Cole makes with his important intellectual output.
UPDATE: Perhaps you’ll call me bold for saying so, but it’s Probably Even Possible To Calculate Exactly How Many lives he has saved with that post.