RWCG’s Coveted Presidential Endorsement
November 6, 2012, 8:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

The editors here at RWCG, Inc. have kept our Presidential endorsement a closely-held secret. But on this, our nation’s ELECTION DAY, we can finally reveal that after much internal deliberation and soul-searching, we wholeheartedly endorse Barack Obama, the President to be President.

At first, it seemed like a difficult choice. After all, Mitt Romney is a very, very handsome man. Disorientingly handsome. But when we listed all the pros and cons it soon became clear that virtually all of Barack Obama’s great strengths that made us first fall in love with him in 2008 or possibly 2007, or perhaps when he gave that convention speech in 2004(?) that the media told us was so big and important, are still there. The strengths are obvious and we are happy to report that, after a careful analysis of President Obama’s first 4 years as President-guy, they are every bit as much in play as they ever were:

  1. He’s a black man. His skin is darkly-enough hued that if you saw him, you wouldn’t even be totally sure that he even had one white parent.
  2. This makes you Not Racist™ if you vote for him. Attaining coveted Not Racist™ status is a difficult enough task for struggling middle- and lower-class whites in this society of ours that this benefit cannot be underestimated.
  3. The socialist-realist art posters. They are inspiring because you don’t have to think about them much. CHANGE. HOPE. FORWARD. You don’t even have to read too much stuff on them. I like stuff where you don’t have to read a lot of words or think too hard. Also, only a couple colors. You see that poster and you’re all, ‘Dude, I wish that guy were our President.’ But he is now! Pinch yourself because, not dreaming.
  4. The Youtube video featuring where they take Barack Obama saying “Yes we can” and make a awesome rap song out of it. I bet that’s still up on Youtube and it’s just as inspiring as it always was. Because, don’t you want to send the message that Yes we can? What, you’re saying we can’t? Screw you! We TOTALLALLY can! So there.
  5. He made there be a National Health Care Thing. This is an issue that is near and dear to the hearts of, if not all of us, at least a whiny plurality of us. For decades now, many Americans have approached their politics with the single desire of something being done about health care to the exclusion of all other considerations, and (most importantly) that it be some sort of National Thing. Obama is the one who got us there. FINALLY there’s some kind of National Health Care Thing, with whatever details, in place. Our tireless whining about there not being a National Health Care Thingamajig has finally paid off.
  6. Celebrities. Obama knows ’em. They like him. You like celebrities don’cha? They are the stars and starlets that charm our nation’s soul, entertain our children, and instruct our thoughts. And they, importantly, almost all want the President-guy to be Barack Obama. You wouldn’t want celebrities to get mad at you and move to Canada would you? Then who would dazzle us with their star power, their glamour?

So as you can see, Obama’s resume is impressive indeed. And despite Republican claims that his sheen has faded, the above list of strengths and qualifications – which could just as easily have been written in 2008 – has not faded in the slightest.

If you voted for Barack Obama in 2008, then chances are it was because of at least one of the above reasons. So just ask yourself: whether or not you think Obama’s popularity has faded, or that he has disappointed in his ‘job performance’ or whatever, is that reason – the reason you voted for him in ’08 – still true?

Of course. Of course it is. All the original reasons to vote for Barack Obama are all still there and no honest conservative can even suggest otherwise.

6 Comments so far
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Somebody on Facebook unfriended me today because Romney is more antigay than Obama. I argued that he wasn’t, but she pointed out that Obama is totally not antigay, whereas Romney is. So that’s another argument for your man. Btw, I also learned that Reagan, who was also in Romney’s party, was responsible for spreading AIDS among gays, whereas I always thought it was promiscuous condomless buggery. Was my face red when I learned it was Reagan! What a tool!

Comment by Callowman

Golly, I just assumed everyone knew that AIDS thing was all Reagan. Live and learn.

Comment by Sonic Charmer

Remember when Reagan made all those black people smoke crack? That was hilarious. I miss that guy.

Comment by josh

[…] Read it. […]

Pingback by DYSPEPSIA GENERATION » Blog Archive » Sonic Charmer Endorses Obama

[…] inside story of how the Editors at RWCG, Inc. settled upon their 2012 Presidential Endorsement is a story all its own, which perhaps shall be its own book one day, by, like, Michael Lewis or […]

Pingback by Our Endorsement: The Inside Story (A rare behind-the-scenes look at our editorial process) « Rhymes With Cars & Girls

Your forgot the other reason to vote for Obama – because it means that Joe Biden will be able to continue his important work as Vice President. Think how lucky we’ve been to have had him instead of what’s-her-name.

Comment by Steve D

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