These things I totally believe
November 10, 2012, 8:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I totally believe that the CIA Director resigned because he had an extramarital affair and thinking about that, regret, or similar feelings suddenly made him want to not be the CIA Director anymore and resign a couple days ago.

I totally believe that a while ago a bunch of people in Benghazi, Libya were browsing the internet and came across a video on Youtube, and got so irate about what they saw in it that that they decided to put on body armor and grab their rocket launchers and head down to the local annex of the U.S. Embassy to show their indignation by staging a protest, involving the traditional methods of protest such as kinetically causing high-speed metallic projectiles and explosives to fly towards said annex.

I totally believe that if the (R) party were to, like, just ask black voters and Hispanic voters to vote for them, they totally would.

I totally believe that more than 2% of the people who are in favor of Obamacare totally know in detail what Obamacare is about and will do.

I totally believe that when the person with the (D) after his name gets 99% or 100% of the vote in certain districts that contain gigantic housing projects and the like, that was the result of an honest and legitimate voting process.

Wait, no. Wait. Hold on. I think I typed the wrong word. ‘Totally’ is the wrong word up there, isn’t it? Dang, now I have to rewrite this whole post.

UPDATE: I totally believe that when someone immigrates to the U.S. (legally or illegally), it’s usually because they got a ‘job offer’ from an ‘American citizen who wants to freely contract with them for their labor’. That’s totally usually what it is.

4 Comments so far
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You totally forgot a few details about Benghazi.

I totally believe that after organizing their spontaneous protest over the video, the protestors got out of hand and decided to aggressively attack a convoy of armed men heading toward a secret location in town.

I totally believe that said protestors decided to spontaneously start a rolling ambush in the direction of the secret safehouse.

I totally believe that the protestors then spontaneously decided to besiege said secret safehouse, and as a spontaneous act of protest, decided to being placing precise mortar fire upon the roof of said secret safehouse, after several of their fellow protestors had been killed by precise, careful shooting from the ex-SEALS on the roof.

I totally believe that the protestors decided to carry this activity on for several hours, into the early morning.

I totally believe that the U.S. intelligence community, after watching this unfold for hours on a live video feed from a drone, told the President and his advisors that they thought the whole episode was a spontaneous protest.

I totally believe that the above assessment from the IC was the only information available to Susan Rice five days later when she told “This Week” that the Libya affair was a protest “hijacked, let us say, by some individual clusters of extremists who came with heavier weapons”

I totally believe that the President or his advisors were totally ignorant of the policy which specified the level of security for US Government assets and employees in Libya.

Comment by Dave

I totally did forget. And I totally believe all those things too. Thanks!

Comment by Sonic Charmer

Well, wait, what word did you mean to use?

Comment by Pastorius

Er, yeah. I dunno.

“Don’t”, maybe?

“Don’t fucking in the slightest”?

Something like that.

But that doesn’t make 100% sense. Now I REALLY have to rewrite this post. Damn.

Comment by Sonic Charmer

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