Great not-great movies
December 3, 2012, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve noticed that often when I make a special point of praising a movie, I go to IMDB and find out that it has a lukewarm rating, like 5.9 or 6.2 or whatever. So these are movies where either I’m just wrong or the masses are wrong. And it couldn’t be me could it?

Let’s find out. Here, then, with the help of IMDB’s Advanced Search are some more examples from the 2010s (what are we calling this decade, anyway?) of Sub-7.0-User-Rated-Movies that Sonic Charmer gives the Sonic Charmer Seal Of Greatness (in descending order of IMDB rating). Enjoy:

  • Hanna: Spooky-looking trained-killer girl / forced fairy-tale metaphor. What’s not to like?
  • Boy Wonder: Psychologically realistic superhero.
  • Super: Same as above, but funnier.
  • Bernie: Again, Jack Black will get an Oscar one of these days.
  • John Carter: Seriously! What’s the problem?
  • The Other Guys: Endlessly rewatchable. So many things are hilarious about this movie. Even Marky Mark gave a hilarious performance.
  • Sound of My Voice: Between this and Another Earth I will basically just watch anything associated with Brit Marling from now on. (Of course, I said the same thing about Richard Kelly after Donnie Darko.)
  • Young Adult: Brilliant. Might be the best on this list. This is the one Charlize should have gotten an Oscar for.
  • The American: Like the Ocean’s movies, without being funny, i.e. with George Clooney being a Guy doing Guy Stuff.
  • Tomorrow, When the War Began: Australian Red Dawn ripoff. Good enough to actually make me nostalgic for Red Dawn. I’m also looking forward to the other Red Dawn now. More Red Dawns not less!
  • The Myth of the American Sleepover: Sleepy/boring tweenaged American Graffiti/Dazed & Confused knockoff. Sweet.
  • Damsels in Distress: Whit Stillman. Previously discussed.
  • Haywire: Steven Soderbergh doing a one-dimensional action/thriller starring a hot kick boxer. COME ON! I shouldn’t have to say this twice.
  • The Tourist: In spite of itself and its hilarious Cary Grant/Stanley Donen/Hitchcock aspirations, and the hilariously over-the-top Angelina Jolie parody put forth by…Angelina Jolie.
  • The Innkeepers: Previously discussed.

Let me know if there are any questions. But presumably not. Because again, I’m not wrong. YOU are.

Note: I have managed to whittle the list down to 15 by eliminating/pre-emptively disqualifying a bunch of Stupid Nicolas Cage Thrillers That He Presumably Churned Out In Just Order To Pay His Back Taxes To The IRS But Which Are Still Pretty Good In Spite Of It All. Now on Netflix streaming!

8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hanna was awesome.

I think the problem with John Carter (for me, anyway) is that they messed with the book’s plot in unacceptable ways. They treated it as a comic book reboot (which they figured was an easy sell), rather than a movie based on a work of classic literature (which is how I see it). It was a decent movie, but it was “John Carter” in name only.

Comment by RPLong

I see. I hadn’t read any of the John Carter stories (except the first few pages of the first one) so I wouldn’t know. I have a feeling, just thinking about all the Martian stuff and all the Martian names, this is about as good as it could have realistically been done though.

Comment by Sonic Charmer

I will say they shouldn’t have wussed out and should have just called it “John Carter of Mars”. I think it might have even done better too. This silly ‘Mars in the title’ movie jinx needs to be busted one of these days.

Comment by Sonic Charmer

Well, I trust you enough to fill out our queue with anything that’s on Netflix Instant. So that’s wrong, you’re saying?

There is this attitude about John Carter that seems to go like this: We’ve spent a huge amount of cash making this movie, and we’ve got Lynn Collins prancing around in her skimpy little costumes, and some he-hunk (forget his name) who isn’t wearing much of anything either, decent special effects, so that means we can limp along with a thin story and a non-scary bad guy. Now, in all honesty I would have to say, that doesn’t sound like a losing formula to me…usually when they spend huge amounts of money making these movies they make a point of dressing up the leading lady head to toe like this is the Taliban or something, which is an awful horrible mistake. So they’ve got Lynn Collins all oiled down and she’s looking fantastic, she’s a gorgeous actress and her body is just rockin’ and amazing…but somehow, the trolley goes off the tracks. I’m not sure why. Maybe she’s just not acting feminine enough, or there isn’t enough romantic tension. Or, maybe you do need a good strong story after all. I don’t remember much about this movie, which is sad. I remember it started out strong, Lynn Collins looked amazing, but by about 45 minutes in there was this problem with…why do I give a rip about any of this stuff. I think it needed some stakes. James Bond had to stop Hugo Drax because he was going to wipe out the population of Earth, so Moonraker, which was a disaster, had more plot tension than John Carter. Maybe they should’ve just desecrated Edgar Rice Burroughs’ memory altogether and stuck in Marvin the Martian with his earth-shattering kaboom.

But the fact that I can’t remember 2/3 of the plot, doesn’t speak well of this movie. Especially when they’ve got a gorgeous Dejah Thoris who looks much better than Tracy Lords. That means something big and important was missing…which, with their cost overruns, is a real shame.

Comment by mkfreeberg

That’s the thing – the book delivered on all of that. They cut all the interesting stuff out and gave it an entirely different setting and story line.Which is bizarre, because at its heart, “A Princess of Mars” was a story about overcoming racism, which REALLY could have played well in today’s marketplace.

But, it was also a story about being a man’s man and winning the heart of a scantily clad princess through the awesome power of swordsmanship. Some executive probably deemed it too anachronistic because the hero wins, the heroine stays sexy and helpless, and hundreds of big green men die by the sword.

Comment by RPLong

Reading your comment, I’m wondering if what happened was that I was so distracted by that main actress and the way the Martian costumes fit on her and &c that I kinda just decided the movie was great almost right away, without really paying attention to the rest of it.

I could see that happening.

Comment by Sonic Charmer

Way too masculine.

Comment by Scrutineer

Attack the Block is only rated 6.7, but that was a fun movie. I really enjoyed Crank. Fantastic low budget action flick. Sadly it just crosses the line at 7.0.

Comment by Mohammed Chang

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